5 Animals That Couldn’t Beat Usain Bolt in a Race

  • Elephant

    Elephants can reach speeds of 15 miles per hour, which is nothing for someone like Bolt. Bolt would embarrass this big fella in a race, no matter the distance, which is probably a good thing since you don’t ever want to get caught by a charging elephant.

    *image via guido da rozze/flickr creative commons

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  • Gorilla

    A big gorilla can reach speeds of around 25 miles per hour, which would give them a good spot to beat Bolt. Alas, Bolt tops out at an even higher speed and while he wouldn’t have the chance to partake in his patented early-race celebrations because it would be so close, the sprinter would come out on top.

    With that being said, maybe Bolt would relish the chance for some competition? It seems like he hasn’t come close to losing a big race in years.

    *image via Barbara Eckstein/flickr creative commons

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  • Panda

    Pandas might seem like all they want to do is eat all day. That’s partially true. But when they have to, they can reach speeds of around 20 miles per hour. Once again, Bolt would walk all over this guy in a race. Remember the way Bolt embarrassed the field during the 100m in the 2008 Olympics? Yeah, that’s what this would look like.

    *image via Richard IJzermans/flickr creative commons

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  • Golden Retriever
    Golden Retriever

    Man’s best friend does have some breeds that could wreck Bolt in a sprint, but most of us aren’t coming home to Greyhounds or Salukis. The Golden Retriever, when it gets motivated, can reach speeds of 20 miles per hour. Bolt, on the other hand, reaches that speed on a leisurely trot.

    The one advantage this dog does have is that he’ll run all day long. Unlimited energy. Anyone with a dog knows this. Bolt is a sprinter — he’s not trying to run long distances.

    *image via kisses are a better fate tha…/flickr creative commons

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  • Greater Roadrunner
    Greater Roadrunner

    Nope, the star of Looney Tunes could not beat Bolt in a race, which is funny because the roadrunner is supposed to be very, very fast. The Greater Roadrunner, however, tops out at round 25 miles per hour, giving Bolt the advantage.

    *image via Dominic Sherony/flickr creative commons

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  • *Every Other Human Being on the Planet... Ever

    Sorry, I had to repeat this. We all know Bolt holds the all-time world record in the 100m — set at 9.58 during the 2009 World Championships — and that’s impressive enough. But when you say what it really means, that Bolt is the fastest human being ever, it goes to another level.

    At 6-5, Bolt is head and shoulders above the competition, and if he does go through with a planned retirement before 2018, it might be a long time before we find another sprinter as entertaining and magnetic as the Jamaican.

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  • Elephant
  • Gorilla
  • Panda
  • Golden Retriever
  • Greater Roadrunner
  • Usain Bolt

If you happened to forget, Usain Bolt recently reminded everyone of how utterly disgustingly fast he is. During the 2014 Commonwealth Games, Bolt ran the final leg for Jamaica in the 4x100m relay final and proceeded to annihilate the competition. Despite that incredible performance, it wasn’t even his greatest showing. To see that you’d have to revisit the 2012 Summer Olympics when he bested the comp with his famed Double Triple, winning gold medals in the 100m, 200m, and the 4x100m relay.

But even despite all of the records he’s broken, there’s one number from Usain Bolt that has always intrigued me the most: 27.44. In miles per hour, that was the speed Bolt was clocked at during a 100m race, the fastest of any human being ever.

With today being his 28th birthday, we’re celebrating his greatness by counting down a few popular animals who couldn’t beat Bolt in a race.

Follow Sean on Twitter at @seanesweeney